Islanders Perish in a Horrific Fashion

My Boss is an Isles fan, claims he doesn't really care (as would I after the 1990s and 2000s), and I may push him to the point where I am unemployed regarding last night's brutal drubbing. Garth Slow is trying to rebuild a team that, for all intents and purposes, has been terrible for twenty-three  years. 

All I'm going to say is: we lost a lot of hockey games in the beginning of this decade, made the right moves, drafted well, and now we're on the other end of a rebuild. Everyone acts like Sid just phones the Commissioner when times are hard, or that we're just lucky assholes who won the draft lottery, so now we have a good team. Get real, haters. If we hadn't drafted the good mid-round players we did, we would be like any of the contending minor league teams who have a few NHL first line players. From 1994-5 to 2000-01, NY missed the playoffs and proceeded to make draft picks like these;

9th overall, Brett Lindros. Hahahahahahahaaa in 1994.

95, Wade Redden, 2nd overall. Is this a joke? 

1996. 3rd overall pick = Jean-Pierre Dumont. 

97, they get it right, but we all know what happened. 4th and 5th overall, Luongo and Eric Brewer. 

Then... then in 98.... the Islanders, with the 9th overall pick select... select Michael Rupp. 

So what I'm trying to say is, they drafted poorly, made the wrong moves, and right now the Islanders should have a winning core they drafted in those lean years... Instead, they tried to Ranger™ it, got Yashin, let Chara go, drafting more poorly (Yo, Raffi Torres 5th overall?).... I understand my Boss a lot better now. Oh, yeah... they brought in Mike Peca, and Trevor Linden. And they wore those jerseys with the Gorton's mascot.... 

The, finally, you have this group. They had to buy a new first line, because they didn't have one. They can't support that first line with the mid-tier picks they made (Nilsson, Nokelainen, Bergenheim).... and who the hell is Ryan O'Marra? Signing DiPietro to that deal was a good one, too. Now we have, from the looks of it, 13+ more years of him dropping F-Bombs at League events. 

Here's a sample of one summer's work in the offices on the Island:

67 Million Dollar Contract for a goalie who's been injured long term seemingly once a season.

Sign Brendan Witt and Tom Poti. 

Try to make up for signing Brendan Witt and Tom Poti by signing Mike Sillinger.

In an attempt to distract the fans fron all the bad signings, sign Chris Simon.

The fruits of all that labor were all the goals against to the Sabres in the only playoff appearance since the lockout. To recap, that's 13 seasons, 5 playoff appearances, and 5 losses in the Quarters. 

Go Pens.

Penguins Destroy Carolina

Things couldn't have gone any better tonight for Pittsburgh. After blowing a good lead in NY last night, The Pens outgunned a hapless Southeast team and immediately got back to winning hockey games. I was impressed with the play of Danny Sabourin especially, as he made several saves after committing to the shot, scrambling to throw this limb or that at the disc. He was somehow credited with a giveaway by the statistician... It was otherwise a status quo evening for Sid, tallying 4 points and generally being unstoppable. 

Malkin came out in the first minute and hit the crossbar. He finished the game with 2 assists and continues to lead the NHL in scoring. He also apparently bought himself a house somewhere in Pittsburgh and is gaining confidence in speaking English. I remember reading that it "really takes two or three years" to adjust to North America for European players, according to Slava Fetisov. He also was nailed with a ridiculous tripping minor which prompted the Carolina color guy to say "That's what would make me choose Crosby over Malkin"... Unless of course you have both locked into long-term contracts and they're either laying down roots or living with a certain legend who happens to own a killer wine cellar. 

Peter Sykora has never scored a hat trick in his career, and he again finished with a brace tonight. He had an opportunity to score essentially into an open net but Joe Corvo got a stick check to connect, thwarting Syko. His wrister was a thing of beauty, floating inevitably into the far corner against the grain. The second goal was pretty much exactly how Miro Satan scored; a slick reverse-toe drag around Carolina goalie Michael Leighton's butterfly and into the traffic crashing the net. 

Ruuuuuslan Fedotenko scored an NHL 09 goal where the goalie drops the puck and you poke-check it in, only Fedo went naked skeleton on Leighton and, with a sweep check, sent renewed Carolina coach Paul Maurice into cardiac arrest. 

Then there was former Penguin Jo Melichar. You know, every so often a Pens defender suddenly and inexplicably sours. It happened to Brad Werenka, it happened to Hans Jonsson. It certainly happened to Melichar, who, when faced with the most bizarre and puzzling back pass from a changing teammate, found himself watching Sid and Pascal Dupuis take off with the puck alone on goal. I audibly said "What the hell are they doing" before celebrating the assured goal. 

Did Pesonen touch the puck at all tonight? I seem to remember him getting run over and taking off for the attacking zone too soon a few times, and little else. He clearly has good hands and instincts, so I'm pulling for him to find some rhythm and impose himself on the game in Ottawa.

I then quickly checked out the Red Wings game. They were quite busy scoring many goals on Vancouver and displaying incredible scoring depth. Since the jersey numbers aren't all that sharp, I kept confusing Wings' depth guys with All-Stars. Tomas Kopecky? Who the hell is that? I thought it was Hossa several times, as he wears #82 and looks the shit. 

I am in the San Jose market, so I flipped that game on. These guys think Joe Thornton is the best player in the NHL, and they've a right to their opinion. Joe is finally driving the net under their new coach instead of watching all those passes from the corner. He proceeded to bat a puck into the net out of the air for the winner. Nabokov is stellar. He challenges roughly 3 feet out from the crease, but is capable of making reaction saves like Leafs-era CuJo. San Jose has some impressive depth at forward, and they're all gigantic. They allow room for little worms like Roenick to cruise into the slot and roof PP goals, and their defence occupies the #2, 3, 11, and 12th spots on the scoring list. They're undefeated at home, rock a 22-3-1 record, and the goal difference is staggering. 100 scored, 61 allowed. They're 26 games into the season.

We've alternated wins and losses for some 9 games, so lets go to Ottawa and embarrass them. Heatley is going to score on us, he always does, but otherwise I think its a good idea to hit them mercilessly and play an ugly road game. If Ottawa turns the puck over like Carolina did (and they will), I expect to be in control of the game roughly half way through. I can only hope for more vintage Spezza no-look saucer passes. Go Pens.

I hate New Jersey

New Jersey is home to some of the most asinine, axe body spray wearing, track suit sporting, dual chain rockin, primped goatee growin, surly inbred psychos in the civilized world. The ocean waters, they burn the flesh. Everything has that "asshole" feel to it. One also has to be aware of their surroundings, as there are a ubiquity of places to dump a corpse in a State composed entirely of bogs. It stinks, and it has always been intriguing that there is an assumed massive superiority complex. New York dumps its trash in New Jersey, and uses it to sometimes escape taxation. 

Those who work in NYC proper whom do not live in the State live in Connecticut. The Madison Ave types don't like New Jersey because they do not like scraping feces off of their shoes. Even though the mayor of Newark, home of the Devils (12-7-2), has been trying to play the city up from its obvious role as the "Le Mans of the West, only with more gun crime", although Newark more closely resembles its' confirmed Sister City in China, Xuzhou.

You see, valued reader, Xuzhou is a formerly nice placed located in an historic piece of its Country's northern region. The climate often features long hot summers, cold winters, and Government corruption. Like Newark, its' once fertile soil has been rendered barren by its inhabitants. 

Xuzhou was the final front in the "Huaihai Campaign" in the 1940s, the Civil War that accounts for some of the city's numerous mass graves. Similarly, Newark was the central front in the under reported "Gittdafuk Merked" killings in the late 1980s and early to mid 1990s, whereupon as many as 200,000 wiggas were slain as a social plea for the casement of "dumb white mothafuckaz assuming the African character in a deceptive manner, and shit". Of course, many other mass graves exist for many other reasons in both cities, but I found these similarities interesting. Indeed, much is held in common between Newark and the other industrialized Nations' contenders for "most dangerous City". 

The Devils are like a virus you catch a few times every year. They make you sputter, kick your ass, and in the end you overcome the ordeal and move on. You dread the symptoms, such as a wheezing cough (Zajac), runny nose (Parise), and of course, diarrhea (Elias). O, how I dispise what they represent, and handly beating them would be most savory. 

What will Therrien do? Will he play into the line match some more and have his team struggle to reach 20 shots? What does he plan on doing with Fedotenko? You see, I believe writing is an art, and that good art poses questions as opposed to providing answers. 

I want to know a few things regarding some of our Penguins, such as why they aren't forcing Pascal Dupuis and Miro Satan to use sticks that match their skating posture. Why are there 2 righty D men on one PP and none on the other? Why bother to acquire said d-man if your coach is indeed too stupid to realize what the intention was? Does Lou Lamoriello know the location of the body of Jimmy Hoffa? 

I would also like to know what response Penguins fans have given that NJ isn't tanking horribly after Brodeur's injury. Imagine Brodeur were a Penguin; Clemmensen is 4-2-0 with a .917% and 2.48 GAA. Brodeur was playing at a 6-2-2, 2.16, and .916 level pre-injury. In Pittsburgh, there would have been a "But he's winning" argument, imagining a trade-Brodeur-for-theoretical-Winger scenario. 

I can't imagine what Penguins fans were thinking. On one hand, Fleury has been injured for some time now, and he's still among the league leaders in Wins. Hell, only Lundqvist and Tim Thomas have been more effective given the number of games started. Think back to the recent past, and you have what was before Fleury: Assistant GM under Craig Patrick, Jim Beam, securing the services of the journeymen and unknowns of the world, the Tugnutt and Hedbergs, to haphazardly start playoff games. Is this really what certain Penguins fans prefer? At this time I would like to point out that Ryan Malone has just as many goals as Mark Recchi hahahahahaha.

Anyway, Penguins fans, tonight is a bounce-back opportunity for our boys. We're going to catch a NJ team at home, which may help us out during the tedium of breaking the dreaded road trap. No Rolston, Brodeur, Holik, or Ghost of Randy McCay. We still have to deal with some consistent Penguin killers, namely Madden and Langenbrunner, but I think we can pull this one out via a 4-2 score. 

Finally, I have to mention something that bothers me: the current standings system and the shootout. I don't have a problem with ties so long as it doesn't create a fifth column in the standings. Teams who end up tied don't deserve, in my opinion, the same amount of points as a team who wins on a given night. There are two remedies; create a new standings system in which a victorious team recieves 3 points for a regulation win. Teams who tie then split the points (1 apice) or win the additional point in OT, but still do not match the point total of the teams victorious in regulation. 

I don't like that. 3 point games, that isn't hockey. I propose simply bringing back the tie after an OT session. I don't mind 5 minutes of 4-0n-4. 

I would like to see the shootout eliminated. The Penalty Shot, at one time, was the most exciting play in all of sports. Now, it is a bland novelty where fans beg such questions as "Will he try that same move again?", or "Did Hartnell just dump it in the corner and run the goalie?".

The Penalty shot was exciting due to its' scarcity, but like the Winter Classic concept, the NHL has similarly overexposed it in an immediate fashion. Not only do I personally not like the shootout, but I don't like the NHL abandoning one of the primary rules of economics: Do not in any way devalue your own product. Scarcity, artificial or otherwise, is a good thing. Its why winning a Gold Medal at the Olympic Games remains special, and why the World is bored of shootouts. Otherwise, see you at the big Nashville vs. Columbus outdoor classic coming our way very soon, I'm sure, which will take place immediately after the Toronto-Buffalo-Assholes Talking To Their Friends Who Couldn't Get Tickets The Whole Game Standing Facing The Camera Bowl. Go Pens.

Pain, Regret, and Reaction

Therrien's reaction to the loss: "They didn't work, its that simple". The problem is that he actually believes in such truly archaic "strategy". Its the old "square peg, round hole" quagmire. It means that Therrien believes working harder at trying to fit said peg into the hole will ultimately make a difference. It isn't a plan, its a liability. Maybe it is that simple to Mike; then again, not everyone is a blunt instrument.

It is easy to forget how insurmountable playing against Brodeur can be. If they trap, you dump. You dump, he plays it. He plays it clean to some asshole like Colin White, or he plays it to an area where its a 75-25 puck for a Devils forward. That's where you need to get creative with how you dump the puck, timing the forecheck, zone entry, and owning the half boards. Any of those things would have been a nice adjustment. 

We take away the half boards, especially on Brodeur's forehand, maybe we hold the zone more than twice during the final two periods. 

Perhaps we take a page out of Colorado's book when they beat NJ in the Cup Finals; the hard-around. Brodeur couldn't field it cleanly. It must have been agonizing for him to watch the disc sail around the glass. 

Here's an idea; use the dummy play. The two-line pass is legal now, so station a Penguin RW somewhere in the middle of the ice on the NJ blue line. Mix up the breakout by letting a defenseman blast the puck at said RW from deep in our zone. The RW gets a piece of the puck, negating the icing while getting the puck into the NJ end in a real hurry. The play is timed with the weak side forward, the C, entering the zone to pressure the assholes, New Jersey. Its similar to the hard-around in that Brodeur wouldn't have any idea where the puck was going and, hence, couldn't time leaving the crease to play it. The LW takes a Devil or two to the slot, just deep enough to peel out in case of a turnover. The "dummy" RW goes to the weak half-boards, taking away the soft dump of the NJ defender, helplessly trying to reverse the puck to the defender whom is covering the LW charging the net. 

The dummy play uses the very tendencies of trapping teams against them to create what the work so hard to deprive; odd-man situations. If you time it right, at the very least you're playing one-on-one. With Centres like Pittsburgh's, that's a match-up I like. Best-case scenario, the RW catches that weak reverse, and the C is waiting for the give-and-go from the strong corner. Maybe the weak point is open? Who knows, but you've gained the zone easily and nobody is trapped in case of a fast breakout by NJ. 

Therrien just doesn't understand this shit. He seems unable to adjust to really obvious tactics. Hard work doesn't make a hockey player able to skate through a brick wall. That is why, Penguins fans, man invented the siege tower, and I suppose Therrien is that dude at the foot of the wall with boiling tar being poured upon him. 

You know what would have been a decent adjustment? The Murphy dump. From our zone, flip the puck 30 feet into the air, over the Devils and into the far end of the neutral zone. Do you recover the puck? You just may. In any event, you aren't turning the puck over in your own end. You're making NJ  compete for the puck every time you gain possession, which for last night would have been a Revelation. 

The thing that kills me -KILLS me- about Therrien, is that the only adjustment he sees fit tot make are juggling the lines. I fail to understand how he can be patient... so damn patient he allowed time to expire last night listlessly playing into the trap... patient enough for that, but so impatient that he feels it necessary to remove Fedotenko from the 1st line. Dude, we're 2 1/2 games intot the year. Are you disappointed there's no chemistry yet? I counted 4 instances where Fedotenko caused a Devil to turn the puck over in their zone in Period #1, so I'm not sure what the hell prompted Mike to demote him. He also wasn't featured on the PP. Mike went with Matt Cooke for some reason... How could Therrien be 4-years-patient with Rob Scuderi, yet not have the trigger finger to wait an entire home-opener to make silly line decisions? 

What I'm trying to say here is that failing to realize you have to make in-game adjustments, playing favorites with Frenchies, and especially explaining to the media that you're not really sure besides work ethic why you lost a tactical battle gets you fired when you have the players we have. Look at Minnesota's roster, or look at Nashville. Look at Boston, watch them play and imagine what it must be like to at least be able to wonder if the adjustment will make a difference. Its almost like Therrien hates transition and only wants to gets shots on net during power plays. 

Before I forget...

If you haven't seen it, you have to watch a San Jose Sharks game. I can't stop thinking about how lethal their PP is. Basically, they use variations of the aforementioned dummy play to gain the zone, and have Marleau and Cheechoo recover the puck. Those two then go to the net. Joe Thornton sets up with the puck in the right corner, just above the circle. 

He then looks out. What does he see? Close to him, set up in the slot slightly to the right of the hash marks is Cheechoo, who scored the other night off a vicious one-timer from this very position. Behind him below the right circle is the still-eye-popping righty one-timer of Rob Blake. Its a real challenge trying to negate Cheechoo and Blake from firing ICBMs at net. It splits the PK enough, and Joe has such a great set of passes, that Dan Boyle, whom owns a pretty dangerous right-handed shot, is set up below the left circle. Anaheim was scrambling thoughtlessly while Giguere was screened, hammered, and beaten repeatedly. The rebounds, especially from Blake's shots, were quickly pounced on by Marleau. His foot speed is perfect for that situation; pressuring the PK and recovering a rebound. It looks unstoppable; check it out. 

Thankfully, we have a woesome and ramshackle bunch, namely the Flyers, coming to town next. That should be a fun game. To me, its a must-win. The fucking Rangers are 4-0 and we have to close ground right now. Washington and Toronto after that... we need to start putting up Ws, and I mean yesterday.

Almost forgot...

Martin Brodeur is going to use a new mask this season. This obviously will result in long, often inexplicable losing streaks and misfortune. Its nothing exciting, either, although it doesn't feature any incomplete NJ logos like the old one. There are pictures of it everywhere, all copyrighted, so its up to you. 

Actually, I don't like the mask. Its boring. It should say something more personable to Martin, like "once I retire, this franchise is going to move to Ontario almost right away", not the MB 30 thing. Also, as long as every inch of the Prudential Center is covered in Devils logos like some kind of rip from a Ramada Inn, their lettering around Center Ice should stand out by saying "We're Trying To Quietly Deal With All Those Environmental Concerns So Shove It Up Your Ass". 

Kris Beech... and Standardized Banners.

Right, so Kris Beech signed a new deal with the Pens this summer, and now apparently wants out of the deal via refusal to report to the WB/S Baby Penguins. He's been placed on "unconditional waivers", or "fuck you" waivers, and can have his contract terminated should he remain unclaimed and fail to report to The AHL. You know, sometimes having great promise, prototypical NHL size, and a lot of chances are meaningless without commitment and self-discipline. He's not a casualty of the salary cap, he is and will be a casualty of work ethic and attitude. A 27 year old former 7th overall pick who apparently is finished taking a piss in the NHL; Kris Beech. Nice knowing you.

Your friend and mine Dave Morehouse, Penguins Team President, announced that our 12 Art Ross and 5 Hart Trophy recipients will be displayed upon new banners which will be revealed at the home opener on Saturday. The existing banners which display our Stanley Cup, President's Trophy, Conference, and Division Titles will be "standardized", which means one style and color scheme. No word on the Michel Briere Blue and White banner - I assume that one is left alone. I'm guessing the banners are going to be really, really big, because they're going to be getting a lot of additions. Speaking of additions, I suggest some kind of board displaying Pittsburgh's obvious lording over our rivals, especially Washington. 

I live in San Jose's viewership area, so I catch a lot of Sharks hockey. Obviously they have made some splashes, and find themselves without cap room for 6 4', 235er Kyle McLaren. We should attempt to pick him up should he be placed on re-entry waivers. Why is that? Gonchar. 

McLaren has virtually no upside to his offensive abilities, though he has a pretty heavy, low shot. He doesn't have any business being on a PP unit, then again that isn't what we need right now. Gonch was our #1 guy when it came to shutting down the opponent, and now w/o Whitney, we're woefully unable to match against secondary threats. Orpik becomes the #1 guy on this defense now, whoever he plays with, but the drop-off is quite noticeable. 

McLaren brings a real sense of malice to the blueline. He stands out because he rocks that yellow visor, but also because he really destroys people. His scouting reports say things like "tends to put himself out of position" trying to go for big hits, but I disagree. He reads developing plays extremely well, and watches the eyes of the poor bastard he's about to send to the locker room. He does this thing where he points at the open man, and when the puck carrier takes that look out at open ice, Kyle closes in fast and explodes through the check. He isn't afraid to brawl, either. I like that in a guy.

So, just imagine getting a slightly bigger, more experienced Brooks Orpik for 1.25M. He's a UFA after this season, so its a high-reward, low risk pickup, much like Satan and Fedotenko. My guess is that the guy brings it; according to a recent interview in The SJ Mercury in which he says he's dedicated to "show 30 NHL GMs they were wrong" in not initially claiming him, unlike Kris Beech, had no trouble reporting to Wrcester, SJ's AHL team to start working towards returning to the NHL. Therrien would love him, and so would we the instant he lays out Scott Gomez. 

I'm just generally so happy Hockey is back. This blog is going to be more active now that there will be actual content, so lets drop the disc. Go Pens-

Pens in Sverige; Line discussion

I am about 30% Scandinavian. I'm into Scandinavian music and lore, as well as my longstanding belief that the best hockey players come from Sweden. That isn't the same thing as saying "The best player in the world  is  Swedish"; far from it. That title is, of course, touted by either a Canadian or Russian currently gearing up for a game against Jokerit.

Speaking of Scandinavians, I'm really wondering where one Janne Pesonen fits into this Penguins lineup.  Therrien seems to be going with Fedotenko-Sid-Satan as the top unit, one which is hard to argue against given the complimentary archtypes the wings represent, and Staal-Gino-Sykora as the 1A line, which again oozes chemistry and poses a threat every shift. I'm more excited about the Gino line. He and Sykora can read each other's mind. Its very special to have two players who compliment each other so well, but Gino and Staal are scary together. Finding that third guy who isn't just along for the ride is damn near impossible, and I think we may just have it.  Pesonen seems to be the top-six type wing, although it remains to be seen how he plays without the puck in the NHL. 

Also interesting is the fact that we're much more comfortable this season with our depth players. They have clearly defined roles. Placing Staal on the wing eliminates a lot of confusion. Max Talbot becomes the checking line center, who along with Matt Cooke and Pascal Dupuis make for an inredibly fast and aggressive unit. Honestly, I think Talbot and Dupuis are capable of playing LW on most NHL #1 lines. Matt Cooke is going to be great. He's going to be in heavy competition all season with Orps to lead the team in hits, he's going to score between 9 and 14 goals/25 points, and finish with a +/- between +15-20. 

Eric Godard knows. He knows why he's putting on that sweater, taping up those wrists. He's aware that he isn't going to see a regular shift. He understands something that I don't think BG Laraque fully appreciated. He realizes his job is strictly to introduce himself to any opponent guilty of tampering with Penguin superstars. Can he help a line sustain a cycle deep int he offensive zone? Frankly, I don't care. We don't need to find out. What we need is a sheriff, and I believe we've got one. 

Tyler Kennedy recently was signed to a contract extension and he's the #4 Center of the NHL club. This spells the end of Jeff Taffe's chances of remaining with Pittsburgh long-term. Again, it clears up some confusion. 

That leaves a fourth line wing position vacant. Janne Pesonen a fourth line winger? I really don't know. If I'm the coach, I keep Godard at arm's length while double shifting either Sid, Gino, or Staal with Kennedy and Pesonen. Having the fourth line skate with Godard seems more like a liability, even as we're talking about the occasional 40-second shift. Godard should sit between the defence and forwards, keep the bench morale up, and be prepared to fight people. 

Ok, The Rangers are done beating Magnitogorsk, so I'm off. Looking forward to annihilating Jokerit. Go Pens.