Kovalchuk tearing apart the Atlantic

Ilya Kovalchuk is an intriguing figure. I can't remember a UFA with the stats being available at his age. It has caused a ripple effect through the NHL, and especially his latest team, the New Jersey Devils.

If Kovalchuk wants to join his polar opposite fellow Russian Anton Volchenkov is New Jersey, they are going to need to make cap room available. Note that they can sign him and be over the cap to the tune of 10%, so they could sign Kovy and then figure out who is going to go. A couple of obvious players with prominent contracts are Dainius Zubrus, the only Lithuanian currently in the NHL, Brian Rolston, who's '35+' contract should scare off everyone short of Darryl Sutter, and franchise winger Patrik Elias.

I think its going to be Elias for a few reasons; one, nobody is going to take Rolston. The attempts to turn back the clock by returning to the Devils worked roughly as well as the year the Avalanche brought back Forsberg and Adam Foote. There are a lot of things that make a player untradeable, but the biggest red flag is the dreaded 35+ contract.

Zubrus is a bit of a mystery, always has been. He's a giant man with great hands and keeps himself in peak physical form. His numbers are those of a fringe top-six forward, but he is also the kind of player who can have an 8-point game. Very interesting for teams who are starved for skilled forwards.

Elias, on the other hand, can justify his contract with is 'model of consistency' style which has survived constant turnover since the 2001 season. It really never mattered who he played with. He was part of the best line in hockey with Arnott/Sykora at one point, but then there were times when he still produced with the likes of... it pains even me to write this... Tom Chorske. If he is traded, NJ fans will be gutted until Kovalchuk and co. win the Atlantic in 2011, capped with Kovalchuk being the first Devil to crack 100 points in a season.

Also in the mix apparently were the Kings. This never made sense to me since they have what will soon be the very best Defense in the NHL all in either entry or RFA contracts. They are going to need all the cap flexibility they can manage going forward, and even then they will need even more cap room to deal for forwards. It does not at this point seem that a deal between LA and Kovalchuk is likely. Enter the would be vulture:

What has happened as a result of the Kings' part of the equation is that somehow Philadelphia though that if a team lost the Kovalchuk war, a good consolation prize would be winger Simon Gagne, 30. He has already been approached about and has apparently agreed to waive his No Trade Clause, thereby ruining the relationship he had with management.

Giving a player a No Trade says "we are committed to you. We are going to spare you the speculation and critique that goes along with not having a NTC; you are part of our integral core, and represent the franchise, etc etc". Being asked to waive it causes all those warm sentimental things to evaporate. This pleases me because it is Philadelphia. They have attempted for a long time to replicate the NY Ranger business model, and it turns out that their fortunes are roughly the same. This isn't quite the same as when the Rangers shipped Brian Leetch to Toronto in 2004, but it is similarly vile from the standpoint of denying a player their loyalties despite a contract. The Flyers, going forward, appear only to be loyal to players currently under contract in Nashville.

Garth Snow and the New York Islanders were also 'in on' the Kovalchuk thing. I don't understand them since they are still paying Alexie Yashin. Garth pioneered the extreme long term contract with Rick DiPietro, and that didn't work out either. No, nothing they do seems to work out. They need some more contracts to reach the cap floor, but if they went with Kovalchuk, it would be for all the wrong reasons - which is precisely why they were in on it. The Isles also drafted spiraling Russian talent Kiril Kabanov, a player who needs to be in a system capable of developing a player into an NHL player, something the Islanders cannot do, as is evident in their recent decline to tender RFA qualifying offers to Bergenheim and Tambellini. To summarize: NY Islanders need contracts to reach cap floor. Bergenheim and Tambellini were RFA, and could have been useful if only to reach said floor, but, were so poorly developed that they were let go. Massive offer made for Kovalchuk, who probably needed several tissues to wipe the tears off of his face. Garth Snow currently 3/4 of the way through a double meatball hero sandwich.

The Rangers have about 7.9M in cap space to figure out how they can trade everyone they have signed in the past 2-3 seasons and replace them with newer-smelling bad signings. They have a bad defense complete with a couple of the worst contracts in the history of the NHL in Redden and Rozsival, with limited No Trades. That may be the good news as the other 2 roster defensemen, Del Zotto and Matt Gilroy, should be developing in the minors, not getting hung out to dry under the very harsh NY lights. Marc Staal is apparently holding out, but it isn't as if they weren't going to trade him for a player some other team has developed anyway. To NY, the other teams exist only to draft and develop players so that they may one day become fine Rangers. That is what the NHL is to them; teams who have players deemed good enough to be a Ranger, and the teams who are in direct competition to sign them. It is good to see it not working out.

Finally in the division, Pittsburgh. They will show up in October with 3 Selke-caliber centers, a couple of perennial MVP candidates, a Championship goalie who is 25, and a recently assembled core of defenders, none of whom are 30 yet, that look like they aren't going to play nice. The quality at the wing position.. it would be generous to call it average, but a team has to have weakness somewhere, and wing is it if you're building a team from scratch (do you understand that yet, Washington?). Their ~2M in cap space is nothing. The Penguins can't even sign Paul Kariya. Still, even though the Penguins cannot sign Ilya Kovalchuk, the destruction he has caused to the other teams who have tied their fates in one way or another to him could work in their favor.

has it really been...

Wow. HJanuary 2009. I haven't kept up, now have I?

What did we miss? Luongo still sucks, Thornton is a he-bride. Vokoun still deserves better.

I don't know what else really caught my attention. Oh, we won the Cup. There's that. I cannot express in English how long ago that seems.

Philly got Pronger. That seems like it worked because they improbably reached the SCF. It isn't going to seem like it worked all that well as early as next year, and I can't wait.

The salary cap is now just shy of $60M. This is sickening. Also sickening is the new way to Ranger-it, trading for the 'rights' to a pending UFA. I hope Dan Hamhuis thanks Philly for their interest and quietly signs in Anaheim, because I wouldn't want to be treated like an RFA as a veteran player. I also don't think its healthy for one team (Philly) to obviously and consistently absorb the core of another team (Nashville) as though there's no AHL. It makes trhe NHL look Mickey Mouse.

The only other thing that I can think to touch on is that Marty Brodeur sucks now against everyone except the Penguins.

Oh, and Versus, or OLN, or whatever the hell it is and their Vegas awards shows. What was that? Who thought: "Ok, after the Selke is awarded, lets move into a Beatles homage with Cirque du Soleil". Everyone responsible for that should be 'reassigned within the organization'. The bad music, the inability to pronounce NHLer's names at events where they're nominated for prestigious awards, the E list celebs, many of whom are only known to those who watch programming on Versus.

If the NHL is serious about promoting the game, promote the game on a respectable network with respectable personalities. Using obscure, token celebs from Canada on the bull riding network is a further indication of the second-class status of the NHL brand. Pay ESPN2 to host the NHL. Pay them whatever they want or suffer the instant discredit of poor brand representation indefinitely, because the assholes playing poker on ESPN2 are bigger celebrities than at the NHL awards.

I hate New Jersey

New Jersey is home to some of the most asinine, axe body spray wearing, track suit sporting, dual chain rockin, primped goatee growin, surly inbred psychos in the civilized world. The ocean waters, they burn the flesh. Everything has that "asshole" feel to it. One also has to be aware of their surroundings, as there are a ubiquity of places to dump a corpse in a State composed entirely of bogs. It stinks, and it has always been intriguing that there is an assumed massive superiority complex. New York dumps its trash in New Jersey, and uses it to sometimes escape taxation. 

Those who work in NYC proper whom do not live in the State live in Connecticut. The Madison Ave types don't like New Jersey because they do not like scraping feces off of their shoes. Even though the mayor of Newark, home of the Devils (12-7-2), has been trying to play the city up from its obvious role as the "Le Mans of the West, only with more gun crime", although Newark more closely resembles its' confirmed Sister City in China, Xuzhou.

You see, valued reader, Xuzhou is a formerly nice placed located in an historic piece of its Country's northern region. The climate often features long hot summers, cold winters, and Government corruption. Like Newark, its' once fertile soil has been rendered barren by its inhabitants. 

Xuzhou was the final front in the "Huaihai Campaign" in the 1940s, the Civil War that accounts for some of the city's numerous mass graves. Similarly, Newark was the central front in the under reported "Gittdafuk Merked" killings in the late 1980s and early to mid 1990s, whereupon as many as 200,000 wiggas were slain as a social plea for the casement of "dumb white mothafuckaz assuming the African character in a deceptive manner, and shit". Of course, many other mass graves exist for many other reasons in both cities, but I found these similarities interesting. Indeed, much is held in common between Newark and the other industrialized Nations' contenders for "most dangerous City". 

The Devils are like a virus you catch a few times every year. They make you sputter, kick your ass, and in the end you overcome the ordeal and move on. You dread the symptoms, such as a wheezing cough (Zajac), runny nose (Parise), and of course, diarrhea (Elias). O, how I dispise what they represent, and handly beating them would be most savory. 

What will Therrien do? Will he play into the line match some more and have his team struggle to reach 20 shots? What does he plan on doing with Fedotenko? You see, I believe writing is an art, and that good art poses questions as opposed to providing answers. 

I want to know a few things regarding some of our Penguins, such as why they aren't forcing Pascal Dupuis and Miro Satan to use sticks that match their skating posture. Why are there 2 righty D men on one PP and none on the other? Why bother to acquire said d-man if your coach is indeed too stupid to realize what the intention was? Does Lou Lamoriello know the location of the body of Jimmy Hoffa? 

I would also like to know what response Penguins fans have given that NJ isn't tanking horribly after Brodeur's injury. Imagine Brodeur were a Penguin; Clemmensen is 4-2-0 with a .917% and 2.48 GAA. Brodeur was playing at a 6-2-2, 2.16, and .916 level pre-injury. In Pittsburgh, there would have been a "But he's winning" argument, imagining a trade-Brodeur-for-theoretical-Winger scenario. 

I can't imagine what Penguins fans were thinking. On one hand, Fleury has been injured for some time now, and he's still among the league leaders in Wins. Hell, only Lundqvist and Tim Thomas have been more effective given the number of games started. Think back to the recent past, and you have what was before Fleury: Assistant GM under Craig Patrick, Jim Beam, securing the services of the journeymen and unknowns of the world, the Tugnutt and Hedbergs, to haphazardly start playoff games. Is this really what certain Penguins fans prefer? At this time I would like to point out that Ryan Malone has just as many goals as Mark Recchi hahahahahaha.

Anyway, Penguins fans, tonight is a bounce-back opportunity for our boys. We're going to catch a NJ team at home, which may help us out during the tedium of breaking the dreaded road trap. No Rolston, Brodeur, Holik, or Ghost of Randy McCay. We still have to deal with some consistent Penguin killers, namely Madden and Langenbrunner, but I think we can pull this one out via a 4-2 score. 

Finally, I have to mention something that bothers me: the current standings system and the shootout. I don't have a problem with ties so long as it doesn't create a fifth column in the standings. Teams who end up tied don't deserve, in my opinion, the same amount of points as a team who wins on a given night. There are two remedies; create a new standings system in which a victorious team recieves 3 points for a regulation win. Teams who tie then split the points (1 apice) or win the additional point in OT, but still do not match the point total of the teams victorious in regulation. 

I don't like that. 3 point games, that isn't hockey. I propose simply bringing back the tie after an OT session. I don't mind 5 minutes of 4-0n-4. 

I would like to see the shootout eliminated. The Penalty Shot, at one time, was the most exciting play in all of sports. Now, it is a bland novelty where fans beg such questions as "Will he try that same move again?", or "Did Hartnell just dump it in the corner and run the goalie?".

The Penalty shot was exciting due to its' scarcity, but like the Winter Classic concept, the NHL has similarly overexposed it in an immediate fashion. Not only do I personally not like the shootout, but I don't like the NHL abandoning one of the primary rules of economics: Do not in any way devalue your own product. Scarcity, artificial or otherwise, is a good thing. Its why winning a Gold Medal at the Olympic Games remains special, and why the World is bored of shootouts. Otherwise, see you at the big Nashville vs. Columbus outdoor classic coming our way very soon, I'm sure, which will take place immediately after the Toronto-Buffalo-Assholes Talking To Their Friends Who Couldn't Get Tickets The Whole Game Standing Facing The Camera Bowl. Go Pens.

Pain, Regret, and Reaction

Therrien's reaction to the loss: "They didn't work, its that simple". The problem is that he actually believes in such truly archaic "strategy". Its the old "square peg, round hole" quagmire. It means that Therrien believes working harder at trying to fit said peg into the hole will ultimately make a difference. It isn't a plan, its a liability. Maybe it is that simple to Mike; then again, not everyone is a blunt instrument.

It is easy to forget how insurmountable playing against Brodeur can be. If they trap, you dump. You dump, he plays it. He plays it clean to some asshole like Colin White, or he plays it to an area where its a 75-25 puck for a Devils forward. That's where you need to get creative with how you dump the puck, timing the forecheck, zone entry, and owning the half boards. Any of those things would have been a nice adjustment. 

We take away the half boards, especially on Brodeur's forehand, maybe we hold the zone more than twice during the final two periods. 

Perhaps we take a page out of Colorado's book when they beat NJ in the Cup Finals; the hard-around. Brodeur couldn't field it cleanly. It must have been agonizing for him to watch the disc sail around the glass. 

Here's an idea; use the dummy play. The two-line pass is legal now, so station a Penguin RW somewhere in the middle of the ice on the NJ blue line. Mix up the breakout by letting a defenseman blast the puck at said RW from deep in our zone. The RW gets a piece of the puck, negating the icing while getting the puck into the NJ end in a real hurry. The play is timed with the weak side forward, the C, entering the zone to pressure the assholes, New Jersey. Its similar to the hard-around in that Brodeur wouldn't have any idea where the puck was going and, hence, couldn't time leaving the crease to play it. The LW takes a Devil or two to the slot, just deep enough to peel out in case of a turnover. The "dummy" RW goes to the weak half-boards, taking away the soft dump of the NJ defender, helplessly trying to reverse the puck to the defender whom is covering the LW charging the net. 

The dummy play uses the very tendencies of trapping teams against them to create what the work so hard to deprive; odd-man situations. If you time it right, at the very least you're playing one-on-one. With Centres like Pittsburgh's, that's a match-up I like. Best-case scenario, the RW catches that weak reverse, and the C is waiting for the give-and-go from the strong corner. Maybe the weak point is open? Who knows, but you've gained the zone easily and nobody is trapped in case of a fast breakout by NJ. 

Therrien just doesn't understand this shit. He seems unable to adjust to really obvious tactics. Hard work doesn't make a hockey player able to skate through a brick wall. That is why, Penguins fans, man invented the siege tower, and I suppose Therrien is that dude at the foot of the wall with boiling tar being poured upon him. 

You know what would have been a decent adjustment? The Murphy dump. From our zone, flip the puck 30 feet into the air, over the Devils and into the far end of the neutral zone. Do you recover the puck? You just may. In any event, you aren't turning the puck over in your own end. You're making NJ  compete for the puck every time you gain possession, which for last night would have been a Revelation. 

The thing that kills me -KILLS me- about Therrien, is that the only adjustment he sees fit tot make are juggling the lines. I fail to understand how he can be patient... so damn patient he allowed time to expire last night listlessly playing into the trap... patient enough for that, but so impatient that he feels it necessary to remove Fedotenko from the 1st line. Dude, we're 2 1/2 games intot the year. Are you disappointed there's no chemistry yet? I counted 4 instances where Fedotenko caused a Devil to turn the puck over in their zone in Period #1, so I'm not sure what the hell prompted Mike to demote him. He also wasn't featured on the PP. Mike went with Matt Cooke for some reason... How could Therrien be 4-years-patient with Rob Scuderi, yet not have the trigger finger to wait an entire home-opener to make silly line decisions? 

What I'm trying to say here is that failing to realize you have to make in-game adjustments, playing favorites with Frenchies, and especially explaining to the media that you're not really sure besides work ethic why you lost a tactical battle gets you fired when you have the players we have. Look at Minnesota's roster, or look at Nashville. Look at Boston, watch them play and imagine what it must be like to at least be able to wonder if the adjustment will make a difference. Its almost like Therrien hates transition and only wants to gets shots on net during power plays. 

Before I forget...

If you haven't seen it, you have to watch a San Jose Sharks game. I can't stop thinking about how lethal their PP is. Basically, they use variations of the aforementioned dummy play to gain the zone, and have Marleau and Cheechoo recover the puck. Those two then go to the net. Joe Thornton sets up with the puck in the right corner, just above the circle. 

He then looks out. What does he see? Close to him, set up in the slot slightly to the right of the hash marks is Cheechoo, who scored the other night off a vicious one-timer from this very position. Behind him below the right circle is the still-eye-popping righty one-timer of Rob Blake. Its a real challenge trying to negate Cheechoo and Blake from firing ICBMs at net. It splits the PK enough, and Joe has such a great set of passes, that Dan Boyle, whom owns a pretty dangerous right-handed shot, is set up below the left circle. Anaheim was scrambling thoughtlessly while Giguere was screened, hammered, and beaten repeatedly. The rebounds, especially from Blake's shots, were quickly pounced on by Marleau. His foot speed is perfect for that situation; pressuring the PK and recovering a rebound. It looks unstoppable; check it out. 

Thankfully, we have a woesome and ramshackle bunch, namely the Flyers, coming to town next. That should be a fun game. To me, its a must-win. The fucking Rangers are 4-0 and we have to close ground right now. Washington and Toronto after that... we need to start putting up Ws, and I mean yesterday.

Almost forgot...

Martin Brodeur is going to use a new mask this season. This obviously will result in long, often inexplicable losing streaks and misfortune. Its nothing exciting, either, although it doesn't feature any incomplete NJ logos like the old one. There are pictures of it everywhere, all copyrighted, so its up to you. 

Actually, I don't like the mask. Its boring. It should say something more personable to Martin, like "once I retire, this franchise is going to move to Ontario almost right away", not the MB 30 thing. Also, as long as every inch of the Prudential Center is covered in Devils logos like some kind of rip from a Ramada Inn, their lettering around Center Ice should stand out by saying "We're Trying To Quietly Deal With All Those Environmental Concerns So Shove It Up Your Ass". 

August starts when?

I've been looking for anything to write about. Perhaps the presence of Paine, Rikku, and Yuna on Kari Lehtonen's helm? Bringing back the "Hockey Fights cancer" pink stick weekend? Always nice to see Owen Nolan winding up one of those. Wrigley and its' historic content and the resurgence of Blackhawks hockey in Chicago? The unveiling of the New York Rags'™ latest sponsor, AARP, was announced; it, however, fell on deaf ears as most New Yorkers are currently occupying recently established territories along the New Jersey shore destined to spawn a new generation of horrible, weasel-like deviants, primed to revel in a toxic, Bruce Springstein-Bon Jovi sympathising hellscape.

There's that "free word association" thing in action again. Deviant » Ted Nolan. He got the axe, for reasons unknown, by Garth "I didn't draft Luke Schenn" Snow. Seriously, if I'm a NY Islanders fan, I'm wondering why there are such a succession of blunders piling up. Trading Chara for Yashin... not keeping Luongo... not drafting Luke Schenn. Then they signed Doug Weight. Hey, Doug Weight used to play with Ryan Smyth, so he's just as good, right? Glaring errors which have and will cost that franchise for decades.

Pittsburgh looks to have completed its' NHL roster last week, and there's really no news save signing Kris Beech to a 2-way and the schedule allowing those in The Steel City to know when to book passage to DC. We continue to look fondly to the North, where Ottawa's woes continue and their writers are creating trades to see if they'll gain traction. It is very Toronto-esque; however, Ottawa doesn't have the league by the balls like the Leafs, so the 3-way LA-Chicago-Ottawa rumor everyone is familiar with isn't looking very realistic.

Speaking of realistic, Montreal continues to astound me with their sense of entitlement. I've seen (but not read) long, long lists of reasons why Mats Sundin will wear bleu, blanc, yadda yadda instead of Vancouver. If that fails, of course, they're gonna top their woeful first-place finish from last year by not losing to a pretty average team in the playoffs. It is also expected that they can just "sarifice everything and go for it like Pittsburgh last season" before the deadline. They have to insinuate that we'd traded our whole future because their best young player just signed on Long Island. Anyway, they assume that San Jose, for some reason, will accept a trade of Marleau to Montreal for garbage player. See: 2007, Ryder.

Habs77953798524: "Man, Ryder sucks. We need to trade his ass. What would good market value be? Bleu, Blanc, Rouge. I just am havings such a boner for Steve Begin".

IrresponsibleMtrlWriter: "Excellent question. I heard a rumor just this morning that Marleau and a truck containing $10,000,000,000 US dollars were heading our way in exchange for Ryder, which is a shrewd deal for Montreal. There is no such thing as fair market value for a Canadien, because their players would obviously become the best on their new team. Ryder is a prime example, because while he totally sucks in our colours, he would make average non-Canadiens centres like Joe Sakic shit their mind. We can only have s o many hall of famers, you know?"

Finally, Pittsburgh South continues to become more entertaining as it is rumored that Craig Patrick is a candidate for the GM post recently vacated by Jay Feaster. If he's the man for the job, expect him to fire phone calls to German Titov and Sebastien Caron with great haste. Contract already rumored to be on the table for Krzysztof Oliwa. Seriously, once Recchi signed there, it just got pretty out of control. If they hire Crag Patrick, you can expect Jan Hrdina and Rico Fata to jump in the mix. Hey, why not. They already have an 8-line team with nobody to defend the goal except for Filip Kuba, and Darryl Sydor if they want him. Just add Stu Barnes and you have a gated community for Old Penguins.

I'm leaving the house in my slippers to get more beer.

I'm hearing Fedotenko and Satan, please no, no no please argh.

Update:

Apparently both have signed a 1 year deal. That, in part at least, explains paying Satan $3.5M. I guess he's durable, having only missed 2 games the past 3 seasons.. but he had 16G and 41 points and a -11 rating last year. He was a top six wing 4 years ago, a top-2 wing 8 years ago.

So, with the new signings (that make me feel like a laughing stock), we have about $8.5M in wasted cap space. I made a big deal last season about how organizations in the toilet have to buy top lines, like the Islanders did with Guerin, Comrie, and Fedotenko last season. Now, it appears as though we've alleviated the NYI of their garbage.

Fedotenko will have better numbers than Ryan Malone this season. That doesn't mean its a good deal, it just means that what Shero said about Staalsy's ice time was a lie.

Satan will more than likely get benched by Therrien. 3.5M? What the fuck? What did Naslund want, anyway? Its a goddamn good thing that its a 1-yr deal, thats for sure. 3.5M? I'd rather have the cap space, thank you very much. I went to be last night thinking "as long as we don't return Satan's phone calls...". I understand its admirable to have guys who want to play for you (Syko), but damn. How's 2.75m for an undersized, aging lefty?

This also sews up the forward lines, although its a fruitless tast to try and figure out Therrien's lines, etc. Damn it. I feel like we haven't done any better than those asshole teams that are still trying to sign Mats Sundin.

July 2... what the hell?

So, the enigma of the Hossa signing is a shock to the Penguin Fans' system. We offered similar money, more years, Sid, a new building on the horizon, and an inside track to the HHoF. My only thought is that he wanted to sign in a city who's up against the cap (Boston) and this is a year he'll soon forget.

While we waited for Marian to finish taking his piss, Rolston signed in NJ and is already bored with the smell of Axe Body Spray™. It was too many years for it to have made sense here, but perhaps a 3yr wouldn't have been awful.

Ryder signed in Boston, where he will still suffer the merciless boo-ing of Montreal fans at every home game.

Naslund is still out there, but apparently is attached at the hip to one Pavol Demitra. I really don't know what to say except that we had better just wait this off-season out and get our guys inked before we go off signing pairs of BFFs and delving into perplexing situations with Jags or Huselius.

Meanwhile, rumors persist that Beauchamin in Anaheim is on the block, as will be one Marian Gaborik. Based on the market value of Jokinen, Gaborik could cost a couple NHL-ready prospects and/or a 1st round pick. As far as I'm concerned, we have so many high picks to sign even after the Malkin deal was announced, we can afford to deal them until perhaps the 2009-10 season. We're going to continue to pick in the last 3, and eventually you have to sign them. I think its a good thing that we forgo an entire season of potential RFA's and have that much more room for Fleury and Staal. If we can swing a deal and then actually keep the guy, that cap room will exist.

Lastly, among all the things we can list as assets that make Pittsburgh an attractive UFA destination; is it counter-balanced by the presence of black-Russian-drinking, fruitless-to-try-and-comprehend, loves-him-some-Dany-Sabourin (our new, then old, now new Backup) Michel (Mike?) Therrien? I know that Malone, Roberts, Orpik had issues. Guess what? Orpik remains unaccounted for, but it seems as though they didn't want any part of Mike (Michel?). Its as confusing as what the guy wants to be called.